I will be back.

Well its no secret that I've been MIA from my blog lately. Theres been some big changes and a lot of new beginnings coming my way that I just haven't been comfortable sharing with my blog yet. Plus, I still haven't gotten my dream camera and my dumb little one is broken, I have a hard time getting inspired to blog when I have no photos - that will be changing very soon.

I've been thinking long and hard and I really want to come back to blogging. I throughly enjoy it and I absolutely love the fact that I have such special documents of mine and Abby's life as were rolling with punches and taking things day by day. So, I want to come back. But where do I start?

I am moving to Middle River in 29 days (but who's counting?). Middle River is about 25 minutes from my hometown and not very close to friends or family. I am nervous about it, but I also feel that its the best option for me and Abby right now. Without going into too much detail about my personal life, Jackie is going to be our new roomie in Middle River. We are excited and I think that this is going to be a good thing for all of us in the long run.

Jackie because 1) She is my best friend in this whole world, and probably my only friend I could ever imagine living with. 2) She is Abby's godmother, and they both absolutely adore each other. Anddd thats pretty much enough of a reason right there, I think anyways. I think this is a good thing, I constantly have to keep reminding myself of this. I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing.

I never imagined myself being a single mother, but I guess no one really does. I am very confident that we will be fine, and that things will work themselves out, one way or another. This is going to give me time to focus on making myself and my daughter happy, and taking school more seriously.

I'm not stressed out for the first time in months. I feel very at peace with my decisions and happy that I'm walking away from a negative thing in my life. The fact that I'm going to have to give up my precious baby every other weekend is a knife in the heart, but I'll be okay. We will all be okay.

I will be back for good soon. I promise.

Its been awhile.

Its been awhile...so I figured I'd stop in and say hey to my little old blog. I am majorly slacking on updates and photos..sorry. The good news is I am only a few short weeks away from getting my dream camera. I will be back full on and ready to unleash a whole 20 years of creativity that has been building up!

Until then? Its Friday night. I just got home from work. I'm in an old Phillie's tee and pink fuzzy slippers, under the electric blanket and listening to Jake flip back and forth between Alaska: gold rush and Top shot. He's actually now poking his toes into my ribs, cocking his head to the side saying "Wanna get a movie when this show is over?"

What else can I say? Its been the same old same old around here. Abby and I are having a serious case of cabin fever - we are so ready for spring. Theres only so much you can do when its bitterly cold outside, and walking around the mall and playing in its play area is getting a little old. We're ready for some playground trips, open toed shoes, and day trips to the beach. Its supposed to be in the 50's this weekend, which gives us a teeny tiny light at the end of this freezing tunnel.

We are getting out this weekend and doing something fun. What you ask? I have no idea. But I am SICK of this apartment and I'm sure Abby is too. Maybe I'll go on a hunt and get some pictures too.

Hopefully I'll be out of this cold weather rut soon!!

Happy weekending.

Everything happens for a reason.

I'm almost positive that I have this spell casted on me. One of those evil/good ones. You know, the kind that brings you HORRIBLE luck and you hate the spell forever..until the end you finally realize that you love the spell. You love it because it pushed you to work harder, love deeper, and learn to be more independent than you would have been if things had gone simply. When its all done and over and you see the spell in the corner of the room giving you this bitter smile like its okay, I know. You don't have to thank me.

I'm in a rut of bad luck. I'm convinced that its all for a reason and that some day it will all pay off and end in something beautiful.

This morning at 7:15am I was steering my car. My broken down car, and a very sleepy looking Jackie was trying to push it out of traffics way....in the middle of an ice storm. Shall I explain?

Every once in a while Jackie will come over on a Monday night when I work on Tuesday. She's always off on Tuesdays..so sometimes she'll have a sleepover here and spend the day with Ab on Tuesday morning while I'm working so that I don't have to drag her out in the cold. And because she loves her too, of course!

My morning was unusually easy. I actually had enough time to pack my lunch, make a cup of coffee, and take the extra time to shave in the shower. Well, it all went down hill quickly. Should have known! My makeup was MIA. The one god for saking morning when I had the time to scrub every last spec of makeup off my eyes and skin, I had NOTHING to re apply it with. I could have done with out most of it, but I was not about to leave the house without some concealer, my face looks like a freaking piece of pepperoni pizza without it. I was in a panic rushing around the house, calling Jake 50 times...when finally I found it hiding behind the TV in our bedroom. Why you ask? Jake put it there last night to keep Abby from destroying it. I forgot.

I was finally making it out the door when I realized there was an inch of ice on the roads. So much fun. I shuffled my way across the street to my car and after 16 tries of the turn the key, pump the breaks, and jiggle the steering wheel my car finally started. But not for long. I was backing of the parking spot when little red shut down. She said fuck this. I'm not going out in this shit.

We were in the middle of the road, blocking traffic. I tried about three times to re start her but it wasn't happening. I put my flashers on, waved sorry to the other cars who were trying to turn around, and ran up the steps to wake up my sleeping friend.

"Jackie. Jackie! JACKIE! Get up! My car broke down, your gonna have to help me push it". She got up, rubbed her eyes, checked the time, put on her glasses and said "lets go". *This one of the million reasons why she's my best friend*.

As soon as we were out front she said "Oh my god Brittany! We are never going to be able to push your car! Theres no traction, its all ice!". But needless to say, we tried. I turned the stiff wheel and she pushed with all her might on my bumper. Bitch was not moving.

We made a couple phone calls to dads/friends when finally we realized the car wasn't in neutral. Durrr Brittany and Jackie. Right at this time a good Samaritan came out of his house in his camo sweat pants and untied work boots who helped us get old bessy back in her place.

It was definitely a work out. I was definitely pissed that I had to call out of work, 10 minutes before I was supposed to be there.

But, theres always good in the bad right? Needless to say Jackie and I were *awake*. It was only 7am, we were frozen to death, and there was only one solution: The early show, my giant electric blanket, coffee, and McDonald's breakfast. We spent the whole morning that way, laughing and gossiping. It was a nice way to wind down after a hectic morning.

The sweetest part of it all? Being there when my sweet, sweet baby woke up at 11. Although she was probably really confused why Mommy already had her hair done and makeup on, her clothes for the day laid out, and breakfast waiting on the table. Ha ha. So not like me. I usually don't even see the light of day until I hear her scurrying around in her crib. We usually spend our early mornings in a very dark living room watching Sprout. I cuddle her up on the couch under blankets for awhile while I sip coffee..and then we get up and start our day. Today was pretty different.

After a sprout tv, pancake eating, and book reading late morning..nap time rolled around and today I was right there with her. I kissed her little nose and dimmed the lights..and I took the most relaxing and refreshing nap I'd taken in such a long time. Jake came home from work, got undressed, gave me a sweet kiss and fell asleep next to me - made it even better.

We stayed in for the night due to the icy conditions and Jake had to take some time to fix my car (which is all better now - thanks babe! and thank goodness for handy boyfriends!). We got pizza hut carry out, played with blocks, scrubbed the carpet and took a nice and warm bath together (me and Abby that is - not me and Jake. ha ha). Bed time rolled around and Ab had no interest in it, so instead she stayed up with Mama and watched Teen Mom 2!

She's finally in bed and I'm feeling pretty sleepy myself. G'night! #everythinghappensforareason.

Getting Better

Right its 5 in the evening. Abby is napping in a room filled with vapor steam and vicks fumes, Jake is snoring in the next bedroom over..all sprawled out across our bed. Its oddly quiet in here. The apartment is a disaster, I haven't showered, and there are dried ramen noodles from lunch stuck to the kitchen table. We also have NOTHING to make for dinner. There are so many things I could and should be doing right now. But instead? I'm stuck. Right here in my high school gym shorts under my electric blanket and cup of coffee in my hand. Snow is on the ground, its freezing..and I am lazy. It has been a long couple of days around these parts.

It all started on Thursday. We got our first big snow of the year, Jake and I were taking Abby over to my mom's house to play in the snow with her and my little brother. Right before we were about to head out I noticed that Ab's head felt slightly warm, and that she was acting a little lethargic. Decided to check her temp - 101.0. Crap. It was all down hill from there. She suddenly developed a whopping cough and became miserable. It creeped up on her out of no where. I was worried since Jake had just gotten over step throat, so we headed to our local emergency department.

After spending 3 hours cooping up in a little pediatric waiting room with four other sick kids, one of which who threw up all over the floor..we finally got a room and saw a doctor. He assured me that it was almost unheard of for kids as young as Abby to get strep throat. He diagnosed her with a common cold and encouraged us to keep up with the Motrin.

The next couple nights are a complete blur. We spent our time high off of Vicks fumes, squirting Ibuprofen every 4 hours on the dot, forcing pedialite down, walking back and forth between her bedroom and the steamy bathroom. I camped out on her bedroom floor, she slept with us..we have all been exhausted. Her cough kept getting worse and she was regularly spiking a fever. When she was sleeping you could hear her lungs rattling in her back, she was so miserable and my mommy instincts kept telling me something else was going on.

Yesterday I made her an appointment with nighttime pediatrics. Jackie came with us for moral support and to "play Daddy for the night" as she says since Jake was busy. The pediatrician there did tell me that it is unlikely for someone her age to get strep, but he went ahead and did a test anyways. He listened to her lungs and thought that she probably had developed a little bit of croup and was going to give her a shot of steroids. But guess what? The strep test came back POSITIVE. Just goes to show that mommy knows best! It was my gut feeling from the start and I should have demanded a strep test that night in the ER, but oh well..now I know.

My poor, poor girl has been so sick and its absolutely broken my heart. But with a good teaspoon of penicillin last night and a little bit of Motrin, she was already feeling 100x better. Jackie and Whitney came over last night to visit and my little miss stayed up until almost midnight playing with the girls. She slept through the night and finally got some good rest that she really, really needed.

It had been a rough couple of days but just seeing how much better Ab felt already, and having my girls over until 4am laughing and gossiping was the perfect pick me up.

They say that this is when its rough. This is when its hard and when you want to run away and cry. But honestly? It hasn't felt that way for me. Maybe I'm just super mom or something (hehe) but it just felt so normal and natural to take care of her. I knew what she needed, and I knew how to do it. My heart instantly grew two sizes when my little on the go toddler snuggled up on my chest for two hours. And when she fell asleep in my arms. And when she let me rock her. I was sad that she felt so bad, but this is just what I do. I am Mama. And Mama knows and can conquer all :)

Today has been good. Abby feels SO much better already. My Grandma stopped by to check on her today and she ran around and played and couldn't wait to show Meme all of her toys. & I just have to add that my Grandma went to sit on a stool, and totally fell off and took a doozy on Abby's bedroom floor. We both burst out with laughter, and I literally had tears running down my cheeks. Poor Abby looked traumatized. But god, I love laughing like that. Especially with my beloved Grandma.

Now? I really should shower, and I really should figure out what we're gonna eat for dinner. So, sinara for now!

Spring fever and pool partying

January is almost over. Thank god. The ending of January means that we only have one more month until our first spring month arrives, and one more month until we can move out of our apartment, hooray!

Needless to say it was freezing outside today. I am so so so so so SO ready for some warm weather. I will take 60's and breezy in a heart beat. Come on March!!

The fact that my little brother's birthday party was an indoor pool today didn't help my spring fever. It gave me a quick glimpse of summer afternoons spent at the pool, lunch out on the town, and a nice nap on cool sheets. Instead, we had to bundle up afterwards to go back outside, eat McDonald's for lunch in our warm car instead of outside on a blanket, and had to heat up the electric blankets when we got home because it was so damn cold.

Abby had so much fun though! She LOVED the baby pool. She liked to splash and then laugh about the water hitting her in the face, and kept climbing out and jumping back into my arms. She was crazy! Not scared at all. She sooo wanted to get in the big pool and pulled every single one of the party guests by the finger over to the gates in hopes of convincing one of us, lol.

Poor Jake has been under the weather today. He tagged along to the party with us but still was pretty down in the dumps. He has a fever and a yucky cough. Pretty sure he'll be home from work with us tomorrow. Hope he feels better soon!

Between all that swimming Abby and I did, and Jake's cold..we all passed out when we got home....and didn't wake up until 8:30. Jake took some Nyquil and went back to bed, Ab and I took a trip to Wal*Mart, had a late dinner, and she finally fell asleep just after midnight.

Maybe this means I get to sleep in tomorrow? We shall see! One more day then I'm off to work again :(

Hope you all enjoyed your weekend as well!

Happy Weekend

I am very sad to say that I am quitting the 365 project. I tried very hard to talk myself out of it, and to just "okay, you can do it. you'll be happy you did it"..but I can't. Blogging is something I enjoy doing at my convenience. And even after a short couple weeks, it was quickly becoming a chore rather than a fun hobby. It would instantly feel stressed out if I realized I had missed a day and it just was starting to seem more like work than fun..and thats not what blogging is for me. Sorry. It seemed fun at first, but its just too big of a commitment for a busy gal like me :D

So, what have I been up to? Enjoying marvelous days off work of course!

Thursday my little baby brother turned 8 years old. I still remember 8 years ago so clearly, sitting at harbor hospital with my Grandma and close family, patiently awaiting my sweet little brothers arrival. Sometimes it still feels like yesterday. Happy birthday, Jacob! Sissy loves you!

Friday Ab had her well baby check up! She's doing great as usual. Doc still says she's tall and skinny and I'm still trying to figure out how the heck that happened! Poor girl got two big shots in her legs, they made her limp for a whole 24 hours. Poor baby girl!

Abby and I ran some errands together in the morning, had lunch at Grandma's and came home for a nap. Later, we met Nicole, baby Christian, and Jackie at the Cheesecake Factory but never got to eat due to fussy babies, ha ha. Jackie and I settled with Pizza Hut carry out, we took Ab back home and hung around the house with Jake, Chelsea, and Ryan.

I say this all the time, but my absolute best and favorite past time is sitting up all night long with Jackie. Honestly, its the perfect pick me up when I need one. Lounging on my couch in front of the laptop, tv, or whatever else our entertainment is at the time is always so much fun for some reason. We had heart to hearts about ex boyfriends and past relationships, laughed like mad at faceinhole.com & disorting our faces on cameroid.com, and gossiped about anything and everything. I'm so lucky to have such an awesome best friend!

Today Ab and I lounged around the house for the morning/afternoon. We had scrambled eggs for breakfast and cuddled and watched sprout for a while together. We took an afternoon bath and played peek a boo in her Dora tent. We took a quick trip to Wal Mart with Jake and then Abby spent the evening with Meme so Mama and Dada could go to dinner!

Me, Jake, Jackie, and Whitney went to Dicks Last Resort downtown. Yes, us girls drug Jake out with us, he he. The food sucked, but we had so much fun!

After dinner we picked Ab up and came home for bedtime. It was a quick jump to bed for baby girl, she had been working on no nap all day long!

Currently? I am suffering from insomnia. I am exhausted, but I can't fall asleep and it is so frustrating! My head and ears hurt too, wah :(

I love being off work though. Lucky for me I still have two whole days off to enjoy!!

Just realized this post has zero pictures of Abby. So, heres one just because she's cute :)

Happy weekend!

Catching up

Sorry that I suck!! In my defense I have been working for 4 days straight (twelve hour shifts let me remind you!) and that's why I have not been updating my 365! Without further ado, here they are.

10/365. A day in the PACU. Friday, Jan. 14th 2011.

That is all I see all day long when I'm in the PACU. Monitors going off, beeping like crazy. Its insane! Work wise, it wasn't a terrible day at all though. I love working there and I love my co-workers. All other things considered? It was a stressful day. Jake had to come all the way up work to bring my renewed tags (thank god that is finally taken care of) but he also took me to get Wendy's for a very late lunch :) I found out that the place we were going to rent for our mini vacation in June wouldn't rent to us when I told her our ages, which was infuriating. Completely infuriating. Then I had to pick up Abby from my Grandma, and she cried when she had to leave which broke my heart. THEN! Jake was out with friends and ignored my phone calls all night, which needless to say lead to a very tired me causing a very big fight! I was happy to crawl into bed that night for sure.

11/365. A day from Hell. Saturday, Jan. 15th 2011.

Saturday started off terrible. I rolled over in the morning and stretched, looked out the window to see it was light outside. I panicked, jumped up and checked the time - 8:57am. I was supposed to be at work two hours ago. Shit. I rushed to get ready, gave a quick kiss to my sleepy boyfriend, and bolted out the door. As I'm sprinting out to my car, I notice a tow truck guy. Then I notice, my car is hooked to the back of it. "UMM EXCUSE ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THATS MY CAR! WHY ARE YOU TOWING IT!" and he said that my tags were dead. Shit. We forgot to put them on my car last night. "No, there not. I have the new tags right here" and he said that it didn't matter, that they weren't displayed on my vehicle and that he was towing it. I was about to cry when Jake came running down the steps (he had herd my loud mouth lol) and he argued with him, but the guy said he didn't care that he was still taking my car! So I let the police get involved (we got the coolest cop EVER) and the tow truck finally said he'd drop my car but he was still going to charge me $150. Oh, AND before I left the house there was a note on our door saying that Jake and I were summoned to court for not paying the rent for the month of January. Um, the rent was paid a day early, as it always is. People were just out to get me this weekend I swear! I finally got to work around 11 (4 hours late) and thank god my work day was semi easy. On a happier note: my uncle said that we could have our mini vacation in June at his place for super cheap! Woo hoo. Can not WAIT.

12/365. Newborn babies. Sunday Jan 16th 2011.

I got to work in the postpartum unit on Sunday! I tell you, this is a really great place to go for some good ole baby fever! I got to hold and love little tiny newborns and get to know their mama's. Makes for a GREAT day! I'd still rather work with adults, but being able to come here every once in a while is a nice and relaxing change.

13/365. Last day.

Monday truly was another day from hell. And that picture describes how I felt all day long. I had to sit with a patient who was completely spaced out. I received my first battle wound from a patient that day. Thats all I have to say about that, lol.

14/365. A quick day off.

Tuesday was a sleepy day. I was exhausted from working all weekend and didn't feel like doing much. Abby and I hung out on the couch and played with toys, read books, and watched sprout. I threw together some home made mac and cheese for dinner, along with some yummy home made chicken nuggets. I find it funny that some quick and simple like this was "the greatest dinner ever" according to Jake, and yet the dinners that I spend hours slaving over are just "okay".

15/365. Back to work

I wanted to cry when my alarm went off at 6am. I could not get out of bed, for the life of me..I could NOT get out of bed! It was a long and sleepy day but I made it out of there at 8pm and crawled into bed with Jake and Abs :) She slept so good last night too! :D

Okay..sorry that all those posts suck. I've been so busy!! We just got home from Abs check up, she is napping and I'm so relieved that I'm finally caught up!! I will be back tonight :) Later!