Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

First and for most: Happy Father's Day to all you devoted, hard working, loving, not-afraid-to-baby-talk, wonderful, and much appreciated Papa's out there! Enjoy your day fella's

Father's day over our way was a little boring this year. And I'm sad about it. I'm sad about it because it's Jake's first Father's day. He is such an out of this world Daddy that he deserves the whole world on this day. He deserves his favorite dinner to be cooked for him, he deserves to be told to go ride his 4wheelers and go fishing for the whole afternoon, he deserves to sleep the day away because he never gets to do it, he deserves a billion kisses from a mommy and little girl who love and appreciate him more than he knows, he deserves an unlimited gift card to Bass Pro so that he could go buy all the fishing and hunting gear he'd ever want, he deserves a vanilla ice cream cone dipped in chocolate, he deserves his name in shining lights and his face under a "best Daddy in the world sign" He deserves a mini weekend get a way, he deserves a camping trip on a lake. He deserves all of his favorite things. All of the things I couldn't give him today.

On this very first special day for my sweet man..I was working. I had to leave him at 6:30 in the morning. He had to wake up early with the baby and do all of the house chores. I didn't even have a card or his gift to give him because it apparently is on back order or something. It's not even here yet. He had nothing from me or Abby. It completely breaks my heart. When I realized Saturday that his gift wasn't going to be here..I should of went out. I should of went out and scattered things together to make the day special for him even if I wasn't going to be there to share it with him. I don't know why I didn't, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel guilty about it forever.

And do you wanna know why he deserves the world and more? Because he didn't even care that he didn't have it. Or at least he didn't let me know if he did. I guess my extra long happy fathers day kiss before I left this morning, the baby sleeping in an extra 2 hours, some crabs at his mom's house with the family, a million kisses when I came home, and offer to take him to the beach next weekend, watching his man shows with him and not complaining and the tub of vanilla ice cream from our freezer was enough for him. That is why I love him.

I've literally been crying the whole time I've been writing this blog, I don't even know why. I just wish I could explain how amazing he is with his baby, our baby, and you would understand.

When you have a child, they are your whole heart. They are your whole entire world and it's like you share a heart with them. Your heart aches for them when their sad or they get hurt and your heart is happy when their happy..when their smiling and giggling your heart smiles and giggles. When they cry, your heart cries. So..when someone who I in the past couldn't imagine loving any more..loves my baby the way he does, it just takes that love to a whole new level. An indescribable, busting at the seams, teary eyed, and knots in the belly kind of love.

Jake is only 21 years old. Where are most 21 year olds? Their out partying. Their out blowing money on things for themselves. They spend their time sleeping and at the bar. They have a different girlfriend every month and they can't imagine ever settling down. Even if their Daddy's..the majority of them will put themselves first..regardless the situations they get themselves into. Well, that's not my man.

He stayed put when he found out I was pregnant. He asked me to move in with him and assured me that everything would be alright, we'd get through it together. And we have. He rarely goes out and drinks with friends, and when he does I really shouldn't complain about it as much as I do. He deserves a night out with the guys here and there. He spends his money on us, me and Abby. He supports our family and I am so incredibly lucky to have him in my life.

Wow, when I started typing this up I did not plan on it being such an emotional post for me, but I've been bawling like a baby ever since I got to the second paragraph. I think I'll go crawl into bed with this great soul I've been talking so proudly of and remind him how much I love him.

Maybe this whole blogging thing is going to work out after all.

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