In a funk.

I've started this blog post about five times now. I just can't seem to find the right words to start with. I can't put words together right now..my mind is in a funk. Its complicated to even finish this paragraph.

When all else fails? Make a list.

1. I absolutely and positively love and adore this little piece of heaven that waddles around my apartment all day long. My once little 7lb newborn is now a toddler in the making. She talks, she laughs, she plays, she "reads" books, she gives kisses, and she feeds herself with a fork. This past year with her has been beyond words spectacular. Why God decided to bless me with such a perfect little angel I will never know. I'm sure glad that he did, though!

2. My boyfriend is amazing. And I hate referring to him as "my boyfriend" because he is really so much more. When I say "boyfriend" I think of a high school boyfriend, or some guy I'm just casually dating. He is my whole heart, my best friend, my backbone, my daughters father, my soul mate, my lover, my Jakers, and the one and only person in this world who attempts to organize my crazy mind, and doesn't do too terrible of a job at it either!

3. I have said this over and over and over and over again..and I will continue to say it. I have the best friends in the world. Like..I'm pretty sure that their better than yours. I hear so many stories about young mothers who loose their friends when they become pregnant. I didn't loose one. Jackie, Sam, Whitney, Christina, Nicole, Chance, Chelsea, and Ryan..I love all of you and cherish my friendship with each and every one of you, totally and completely. I feel the need to say it now more than ever. I love all of you for loving my baby girl and being there for Jake and I through this whole journey and life we have made together. Its different from yours, but you still want to be apart of it. That makes us happier than you will ever know. I don't know what I would ever do if I ever lost one of you.

Random thoughts of today: I need to call Abby's pediatrician in the morning, despite the antibiotics, her ear infection doesn't seem to be healing. I am missing my blonde hair. I wish I had a day dedicated to sleep. Jake took down the Christmas tree today, I was sad. I'm so embarrassed by my car, I hate it. I want to buy a new dining room table and picture frames. I have to clean our bathroom tomorrow. We are moving in two months (holy crap). Abby will be a year and a half old soon (holy crap). I locked myself out of the apartment today and spent an hour beating on the front door, just to have to drive all the way to my mom's house to call Jake to tell him to let me in (I forgot my cell phone too). I want to go on a date with Jake, its been too long that we've gotten out just the two of us. I'm excited for college to start because it will be spring semester (spring? already?). I am extremely hot right now but I love my new electric blanket too much to turn it off. Jake cleaned the whole apartment today (besides the bathroom) which makes me very happy.

And this is when I come to that funk again, I don't know what to say or how to say it. So, I'm just going to be blunt - tonight was Alyssa's viewing. As if I thought it couldn't get more heartbreaking than it already was, it did. She looked just as beautiful as she always did. My mind is just in such a funk over it I just can't even stop saying it, I don't know how else to explain it. I don't understand it. Life or death. Why her? Why so tragically? Why on Christmas? Why two days before her birthday? Why?

Jackie and I pulled over on the side of the road to see her tree tonight. We stood there in silence, side by side in the freezing cold as cars zoomed past.

It still doesn't feel real. I hate driving down Tick Neck road now, and I had to twice today. Its like I have this constant pit in my stomach over all of this because I'm just so...heartbroken? Sad? Angry? Confused? I don't know the words.

All I know is...

I love my family. I love my friends. and I can't stop saying it. Driving is scary now. and I can't help but think this could be the last time i ever see them after a loved one leaves.

I am praying that Alyssa is resting peacefully and that her family and close friends are finding peace at mind...somehow, someway.

Tell that someone that you love just what your thinking of.

*Sigh* I've mentioned this before..getting behind on my blog gets me stressed out. I have two to three days to catch up on. So without further ado..

Christmas was spectacular. It was everything I hoped it would be. It was perfect. I am so incredibly blessed and thankful to be able to spend this holiday season with the ones I love most ♥

Santa brought Abby a new tent with a tunnel (which she loves, and plays peek-a-boo in for hours) a super cool bead maze (above) lots of new books, and much much more. Jake and Abby got me a new keurig coffee maker! Along with an electric blanket and a VS gift card. Abby and I got Daddy a new hunting camera and a deer jerkey cooker. We all made out pretty well!

We even got a white Christmas. The first one I can ever remember having.

We headed over to Jake's mom's house for her annual Christmas morning breakfast.

After we went home in time for a nap, a quick shower, and some time to play with new toys..we had Christmas dinner at Craig's (my Step Dad) parents house. Its the first year Jake and I have been able to go there on Christmas in about two years, so it was nice to re-live an old tradition.

It was an exhausting day. Our apartment still looks like a bomb hit it. New toys are scattered, new clothes and shoes and knick knacks are piled up on the kitchen table, boxes and trash bags are lined up at the front door...

but its worth. So, so, so, so worth it.

Its all over. The hype of the Christmas season is over. See you next year :D

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Sunday, the day after Christmas I unfortunately had to work. The news prepared us for days, for the "Blizzard of 2010" to hit us this day. I panicked, prayers, and gossiped with co-workers in hopes of NOT getting snowed in at the hospital over night.

Pssshh. We didn't even get an inch. Silly meteorologists.

I did however just so happen to leave my headlights to my car on, leaving me with a dead battery. I got to spend almost an hour outside in the blistering cold waiting for some grungy old mechanic named "Bill" to jump start my old cavalier. He insisted I got in his car to stay warm, but I refused. Convinced that he would jump in and kid nap me if I did so.

He finally got it started, though. I made it home with a bright red nose and aching and freezing fingers and toes!

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And while this week has been incredibly enjoyable and beautiful and perfect in all ways possible..I have to say its been pretty bitter sweet.

I just can't seem to shake the thought of Alyssa. (read previous post) She has been in the back of my mind and my heart just keeps breaking all over again every time I hear her name or see a picture of her beautiful face. I just try to keep praying for her family.

Every time Jake leaves now, all I can think is this could be the last time you ever see him. So I hug him a little tighter and tell him I love him twice instead of once. I tell him to drive safe and to give me one more kiss. I always feel uneasy when he leaves. Because really..now more than ever I realize you have no idea how long your life is going to be.

We held a candle light vigil in Alyssa's honor tonight. Today would have been her 20th birthday. We sung happy birthday to her, we held hands and prayed, and walked from the site of her crash to her house..to symbolize her going home. There was so many people who came to celebrate her life. At least 200. It was so beautiful and heartbreaking, all at the same time.

Alyssa..I hope that you know how many people are thinking of you and missing you today. Rest easy you beautiful angel.

Watch the video on her Candle Vigil here.

So tell that someone that you love, just what your thinking of, if tomorrow never comes..

Tragedy at Christmas time.

I am much too sleepy to write a full out lengthy post tonight. It is Christmas eve, I am happy, I am loved, I am excited..and today was everything that I hoped it would be. I will be back tomorrow to share along with Christmas mornings (CAN'T WAIT) activities and dinner with my Step Dad's parents.

However in the mean time, I'm going to open up a very sad chamber of my heart that was formed this morning. A friend of mine from high school was killed in a car accident last night. She was smart, beautiful, funny, and only twenty years old. She had her whole life ahead of her, and she's gone. Never got to get married or have a family...nothing I haven't seen her but once or twice since we all graduated, but I am so bothered and saddened by this horrible tragedy. She has been on my mind all day..it still doesn't seem real. Such a sad, sad phone call to receive on Christmas eve. I thought there must had been a mistake. Sure enough, it was not. I can not even imagine what her close friends and family are going through right now, my deepest prayers and thoughts go out to all of them.

Its a shame that something so sad has to happen to make you realize how very short your life could be, but it does. So..go kiss your babies tonight. Go give your husband or significant other a super tight squeeze. Spend some extra time catching up with each and every one of your family members tomorrow, you never know..this could be their very last Christmas.

Merry Christmas ♥

I think I hear those reindeer hoofs on the roof. Better get off to bed...

Christmas eve's, eve

*Yawn*

Eyes are burning. Room is dark. Early and long day ahead of me. I am sleepy.

I was just curled up in my warm bed, under my mint green comforter, all snuggled up watching Walk the Line. Jake was snoring next to me, and my eyes were starting to slowly close.

But then I said to myself. I have to get up. I have to get up and go write a blog post. Because I want to remember every single little detail about this Christmas.

So, here I am. & Its Christmas Eve's, eve.

It feels like Christmas. Some years it doesn't, some years your rushed and its August..and then you wake up the next day and its Christmas. It still feels like it came quickly..but it just feels right. I don't know how to explain it.

Its the little things. Frosty the snowman playing at the gas station this morning while I was pumping my gas, my scarf tied tight around my neck and my royal farms coffee steam filling the surrounding air. It was the nice man in a Santa hat at home depot tonight, who gave Abby a red balloon. Its anticipation and anxiousness to know whats in those big boxes with my name on it sitting so nicely under our tree..but even more so to see Abby find out whats in hers. (I almost cracked and let her open one tonight, but I didn't) Its the holiday movies that are playing on every channel. Its the hustle and bustle of rushing around and getting last minute gifts. It all feels so Christmasy..and I'm loving every last bit of it.

Jake was in the Christmas spirit this afternoon. He decided he had been a good boy this year and that he deserved a great big present for his self. He left here around noon in his 2007 Chevy Colorado..and come home in this:

A new GMC2500. I am happy for him. He has been wanting a new truck for s0 long. We loved his little brand new Chevy back when we were eighteen..but we had just simply outgrown it. It was only a single cab, meaning the three of us could not travel together in it. Which left my little old hunk of junk as the family vehicle. I am so glad that will no longer be the case. My trunk is broken, so everything that should be in a trunk (Abby's stroller, etc) is in my backseat on the passenger side. Behind me, is Abby's huge car seat. Its only a two door, so not only so I have to climb through all that stuff to get Abby strapped in, but Jake and I are hugging the dash board every time we all ride together. Such a relief that we have something bigger and nicer to ride around as a family in!

We were excited, so as most people who just bought a brand new car/truck do..we took a ride! We went to home depot to get copies of his new key made (and a new house key for me since I lost mine, oops) and we tried to stop by my Mom's to show her the new vehicle but she wasn't home. We also attempted to hit up Marshall's for some cheap picture frames but it was packed and Abby was having a meltdown in the backseat, so we decided to get Pizza Hut carry out and head back home.

Home. Is it just me..or is home so much more enjoyable to be in when its Christmas time?

Some friends stopped by to see Abby before Christmas and give her some early presents! Let the fun begin:

Have I ever mentioned that we picked the best God Daddy ever for Abby? Thats him, in the red shirt. Chance and Jake have been best friends since middle school, and not only has he been a great friend to us both..but he loves our baby ♥

Chance and Sam's gifts consisted of a new book, a new night light fish tank, and a princess ball pit!

We let Abby stay up way past bed time, playing with Uncle Chance and enjoying her new toys. Eventually the eye rubbing started and she became a bit snuggly, so we warmed her baba and laid her down..she was out like a light.

today was the first time we ever gave her a pillow. i'm still kind of nervous about it but..she loves it.

Now is where I ask for your prayers. Prayers because I have to finish 75% of my Christmas shopping tomorrow morning, on Christmas eve. Still somehow being able to make it to my Uncle's for dinner at 1pm. Yes, I am crazy. Which is why I need your prayers. Please and thank you.

Off to catch up on some much needed sleep. Goodnight, and happy early Christmas :)

Couch potatoes and Lights on the bay

I'm not too sure what it is about the Christmas season that makes us so lazy and couch potatoes - but it does.

We started our day early this morning. We kept the curtains shut, and we brought our pillows and blankets out to the couch. The coffee pot hummed, the Christmas tree was lit, and my sweet baby girl was all sprawled out across my lap..sucking her pacie and in a "Sunny side up show" trance.

Breakfast was a challenge, as lunch and dinner were as well. I'm not sure what is is about this cold she has, but its taken her appetite away completely. I got her to eat a bite of a waffle and a spoon full of maple oatmeal before she was screeching and squirming to get down. I called her ped, but he seems to think its just a cold..and to continue to run the humidifier and suction her nose. All fingers crossed for a better feeling baby soon, please!

Regardless of her sickness and empty belly..she found great fun out of some random house items after our attempted breakfast. A bowl, a book, confetti, and a pan lid. Oh, to be so easily entertained!

We crawled back into bed together after only being up a couple of hours. I cranked up the humidifier, heated up a baba, and grabbed her blankies. We snuggled up in my bed and when she just looked like she was about to pass out..I gently picked her up and carried her into her own little crib. Her hand quickly went over her eyes and she sucked her little bottle and fell right to sleep.

Me? I was finally going to watch the movie I've been dying to see. I popped in the DVD in our room and threw myself under the covers...and lasted about 5 minutes. I passed out and we slept until noon. My poor sick girl. But I have to say, I'm not complaining about all this extra sleep we've been getting!

Later on after seeing that she obviously was feeling better..and me getting a little bit of cabin fever decided I finally wanted to get out of the house. I didn't want to go any place too dramatic, with Abby being sick and all. I was stumped for quite a while..but then, it came to me. Lights on the bay.

Its a drive through light show on the eastern shore. Perfect I thought. Its getting out of the house, its fun..but its also warm and cozy for a stuffy nosed little girl!

She loved it. We pulled her out of her car seat and let her ride in the front seat with Daddy. 99% of the time she was more interested in the moon than the light show..but that was okay. She was adorable :D As she always is of course..

We came home afterwards and snuggled and played until bedtime.

And this is random. But when ever I change her diaper now she says "Ewwy, ewwy, ewwy, ewwy, ewwy, YUCK!" and it is hilarious.

& One more random thought...sometimes I feel like a bad mommy. I know I'm not, but sometimes I feel like it. Like today when she wouldn't eat her breakfast, lunch, or dinner and I got irritated with her. Or when she didn't want to take a nap earlier but I knew she needed it, so I let her fuss in her crib for awhile until she gave in. I know its "normal" and we all do it. But at the end of the day..when I know I have to go to work in the morning..and she's sleeping..

It makes me sad. Because tomorrow? She's going to be bigger. And I wasted precious moments being frustrated with a sweet baby who doesn't know any better..or understand why I'm aggravated for that matter.

I think I might have to go scoop her up for some late night lovins.

Happy Monday.

Cooped up. And loving it

I don't even know where to start or how to explain this weekend.

First of all - my wonderful toddler decided it would be a fun idea to stomp on my laptop (guess it was my fault for leaving it on the floor anyways) and my screen now has a million little pixel lines shooting across it. totally irritating..

So..back to this weekend. I didn't leave the house once. It was magnificent.

I can't even remember what I did on Friday during the day honestly. I worked night shift that night on the pediatrics floor from hell. God forgive me, but if I had to hear one more baby cry or one more monitor go off for no reason at all..I probably would have lost it. Needless to say I was super happy to head home at 7am and crawl into my warm bed with my man!

He let me sleep in until 11 (he probably would have let me sleep later, but I just couldn't seem to sleep any longer) and I woke up just in time for Abby's nap. I was kind of disappointed but happy to be able to spend some time alone and wake up. Jake announced he was gonna go 4wheeling with some friends..so I called Jackie over to keep me company.

Oh, if someone could have only taken a picture of the two of us. Shades were down, so it was super dark in the apartment, we were laying on the couch with our feet stretched out in front of us on the ottoman, chinese food in our laps, remotes on our bellies, and singing along to music videos...and we stayed that way for hours. Literally..hours! Until Jake got home from 4wheeling and Abby woke up from her nap at 4pm.

Once Abby was up and we pulled the shades back - I got my second wind. I was finally starting to recover from my long grave yard shift...and I wanted to do something fun!

Fun consisted of playing hide and go seek with Abby and reading stories. What better kind of fun is there anyways!?

Later, closer to bed time Jake wanted to go out with some friends..one of his great friends just got home from Afghanistan, the boys were going out to celebrate. I was happy he was getting out..but it kind of left me scratching my head like..now what?

Jackie came back over and we remembered that our friend Christina had just gotten home from college! I punched her number into my cell and woke her up from a nap. Hey! Do you wanna come over later? Like you me Whit and Jackie? We can put the babies to bed and catch up? She thought the idea was perfect right away and said she'd get up and get in the shower.

And oh, how I love them.

We were up until 4am, drinking wine and beer, laughing, crying, singing, dancing. Some things will just never change ♥

Mid conversation last night - I cut everyone off and said can I just say that I absolutely love the fact that no matter how long we go without seeing each other, as soon as we all get together..its like not a single thing has changed between us!

Whitney responded back quickly I know! And its never awkward or weird like it is when you see some of your old friends! Christina smiled warmly and said and it will always be this way, thats the greatest part of it all.

Jake finally strolled back in around 3 with a bag full of Wendy's in his hands for us all to devour. It was a great night. Even though we just sat on my living room floor..and we had my sweet baby girl in the very next room - it was the greatest night I've had in quite some time. I say it all the time..and I will continue to say it. I am SO lucky to have the best friends in the whole wide world.

I woke up this morning to a pounding head and throbbing throat..I staggered into the bathroom to grab a Tylenol. Grabbed a soda, popped the pill, laughed at my passed out friends on the couch, and hopped back in bed.

Waking up was hell. All day long I was a groggy mess. Jake got up with the baby again and I could not figure out for the life of me why I was so sleepy. I was sad and wanted to play with Abby..but I couldn't even stay awake through one single book. I was baffled. I didn't drink that much. Then, it clicked. I checked the medicine cabinet and sure enough..the Tylenol extra strength I had thought I'd taken was actually a Tylenol PM. It made much more sense after I figured out that little detail.

Later this evening I got my second wind again, finally..and I made up for all the time I'd missed with Abby girl! We watched Sprout on the couch together, we read her "potty book", we played chase, and had a yummy dinner together..then a nice vapor bath..in hopes of revealing her congestion. Poor girl still has a nasty cold. So, I guess it was kind of a good thing it was a cooped up in the house weekend.

Now..its midnight and I am wide awake. Sleep is out of the question..so I'm hoping that I'll get little sleep tonight and then be up with my girl early tomorrow..my lack of sleep of tonight should get me back on a normal sleeping schedule. Do you see what this night shift work does to me!?

I hope you all had a fun weekend as well, whether you were out on the town, or cooped up in your house with a sick baby, I hope it was grand.

Snow Day

We woke up to gray skies this morning. Gray skies, chilly feet, and a little girl with a stuffy nose.

A case of the stuffies has hit us. The scratchy voice, the red nose, the watery eyes..Abby had it all when she started her day today. I squirted saline and squeegeed her nose, and was pretty much high off of baby Vicks fumes when I realized that we were out of milk. Great.

I had a sick little girl, and it looked like the skies were going to open up and smoother us with that fluffy white stuff any second. Considering that friends in the next town over were already talking about the snow starting, I was pretty positive I was correct about it hitting us any second.

I wiped a bit of concealer under my eyes to hide the over night make up smears and pulled my hair back into a messy ponytail. Threw on some yoga pants and tennis shoes..gloves and a fleece. I looked like a true soccer mama, let me tell you. I bundled Abby in a fleece snow suit under her winter coat and down the steps and out to the car we went.

I pulled into the Wal*Mart parking lot and turned around as quickly as I got there. Despite it only being 10:30am on a Thursday and the fact that it was supposed to start snowing its @ss off any minute..it was a mad house, and I could tell just by pulling into the parking lot. Shoppers lined up at the doors, with their carts and angry faces..cars stopped in every lane waiting for parking spots. No thank you! We turned around and headed straight down the road to Target. Much better idea.

We hadn't even gotten 5 minutes down the road from Wal*Mart when the snow had started. I speed walked into the store, attempting to keep Abby out of the cold as much as possible. We shook the snow off when we got inside, and she gave me that goober smile. Melt. I love her. She was sick, she was sleepy, and she was out in the cold which I'm sure did not feel good on her raw little nose..but she was still smiling. Why can't I be more like her?

After picking up some milk at Target and a snow suit for Abby (in hopes that the snow will still be here in a few days when her cold is better and we can go out and play!) we headed back home.

Since we were stuck in the house all day - I had this bright idea to make Christmas crafts with finger paint.

Despite that making crafts involving paint with a 14 month old was NOT an easy task, and that her and I both were covered in green and red paint when it was all done and over...us both requiring a shower afterwards...it was worth it. What I made for her scrapbook was TOO cute and totally worth every drop of paint that covered my kitchen floor, walls, table, high chair, and everything else this afternoon :D

I also attempted to give her a baby pedicure while we were snowed in as well, but that turned out even worse. Hello red nail polish, all over my babies toes and bathroom. Hehe, we had a fun day. Sick and all :)

What our outside looks like right now:

I am loving it. The snow reminds me of my Grandma. She always said how much she loved the snow, no matter what. I always thought it was so cool when I was little, that she was a grown up and wasn't complaining about the snow - because lord knows she was the only one! She would get so excited every time she saw one single snow flake. One weekend at her house when I was a little girl, it was midnight. Her and I were up watching a movie on the sofa bed, I glanced over at the window and I said "Meme, I know you think its raining out..but its snowing" she jumped up and said "Oh my god Brittany! It is! Get your hat and gloves on!" and outside we went. At midnight. My Grandfather has it on video. Oh how I love her and the memories I have with her as a kid. I am SO lucky that Abby has her around too!

Bumpers and bad days

Well, I have to say..the past two days have not been my best. Considering that I've worked 40 hours in the past three days, I'm pretty exhausted..emotionally and physically. The fact that my car is now past ghetto and reached its limits of FAR beyond embarrassing is...enough to laugh at now. Does that even make sense? Probably not.

I was rushing to work yesterday morning...annoyed with my mom, and already in a bad mood when I herd this weird sound. I turned down the radio and thought hmm, that sounds weird. must be the wind. Ten minutes later I pull up at a toll booth and the woman asks "did you get into an accident?" and I was like "no? why?" she says "uhh, your bumper is on the ground" womp womp womp. "You should probably pull over, do you need help?"..she continues. I look over the front of my car trying to see what the hell happened, well I really can't, I really need to get to work, I only work 5 minutes away. Off I went, only with my windows down this time. OMG was it loud. SO loud. SO embarrassing. I could smell the burning rubber smell of the bumper rubbing against my tires. Some how I made it work (with huge stares from every by passer, may I add) and whipped into the garage and parked. Got out, looked at my car..and couldn't help but laugh at myself. My bumper was pretty much underneath of my car. I must have looked like such an idiot, driving 80 mph down i97, weaving in and out of traffic..with my bumper half way hanging off, and me not even having the slightest clue. People must have thought I was insane.

Jake and Chance came up to work later and declared death on my lovely red, and beat up bumper. They pulled her off by her last dangling strands and dumped her in Jake's pick up truck. So now, as if my old cavalier wasn't ghetto enough..I now have to drive around without a bumper until after the holidays are over. Today was my first day driving it that way. Pretty humiliating I must say..but humerus as well.

So..after spending Monday dropping Abby off at daycare (hate doing that, only do when my Grandma or Mom can't, which is rarely) and then working 12 hours in the progressive care unit with extremely sick patients, then falling asleep when I got home while attempting to watch a movie I've been craving to watch for months..then enjoying my Tuesday with a broken bumper and a one to one with an old man who was confused, and then falling asleep AGAIN when I got home..literally as Jake was speaking to me, my eyes were shutting. THEN spending 14 hours today in a CRAZY recovery room with 24 patients that needed to go to the inpatient surgical floor, when the inpatient surgical floor had one bed available for us, and just now getting home to a baby still awake in bed with her Daddy...finally getting her back to sleep and then soaking in a hot bath and now here?

I still feel like I have 1000 things to catch up on. Even though I don't. My co-worker (Bola) and I discussed this in the elevator today. Us nurses and techs have a hard time resting and sleeping. We are at work so much, and so used to running and having a million things to do..that we don't ever just chill. We don't know how to chill. We don't know how to drive without rushing. We can't sit still without feeling like we have to get up and do something. We don't sleep well. & We can't finish a meal without jabbing it down our throats a million mph. It is NOT good. I always just thought I was this way, but then Bola said she was the same..and pointed out that most patient care health care providers are the same way.

*Sigh* I am going to bed. Sorry for the chopping and blank post. I know you all are probably all like, what was the point of this? Honestly? I really don't know.

Goodnight.

Rainy and busy Sunday

It is currently 1:09am. I have to get up for work in 4 hours, and I am still awake. Story of my life..

I just slipped into my jammies, fresh out of a warm bubble bath and felt the sudden urge to post before I crawled into bed.

So, here I am.

Tree is up and finished being decorated. I am so very proud of our not so little tree. Our very first. I absolutely love it. It looks MUCH better in person than it does in that picture, Christmas tree photos aren't the easiest thing to capture with a lame Kodak easy share :(

It was raining when we went to pick our tree up last night, and it continued through out the day today. I splashed through puddles in my heels and my perfectly straightened hair for Christmas portraits was destroyed by giant rain drops. I really do love the rain in the summer, but this time of year? Not so much.

We ran to the car in it early this afternoon, Abby bouncing on Jake's hip and me running with her blanket over my head. We were headed to Jake's nephews baptism, hunter and Cameron. Jake was blessed enough to be the godfather of the new little guy :D Abby and I sat together in a pew a few rows back, while Uncle Ryan and her cousin Connor kept her entertained and quite through the service, with a little ipod that played Dora the Explorer.

Jake and his sister Stacey, with Cameron - his godson/nephew

Afterwards we gathered at Jen's for lunch. We all stuffed our faces in the kitchen while laughing and catching up, and Jake wrestled his three older nephews in the next room. Same ole, same ole. Never gets old though.

After we were all full and ready for a nap - we sprinted to my car again, dodging rain drops and in hopes of making it home for a nap. Abby and Jake crawled in bed together and fell asleep, and I ran to Target to grab some dress pants for Jake.

Nap time was over and we headed to Sears to get our Christmas photos done. As stressful as it was, getting a sleepy baby in a Christmas gown, getting Jake to actually wear dress clothes, me trying to protect my hair from the rain, Abby's car seat straps that are getting too tight..we made it there, on time and got a really good picture out of it all. I'll post it as soon as we receive it!

A busy Sunday it was. I am not complaining, but I am sleepy. I have three days of work ahead of me, and can't believe its almost 2am and I am still awake. Someone shoot me. Goodnight!

...just had to come back and add. My new song? Your beautiful - James Blunt. SO amazing. Not only is it just a beautiful song in general, but it has so much meaning to me. It tells a story of something that I know all too well. I usually only listen to it once in a blue moon, because I never want to loose the effect it has on me. But, I gave in. I can't stop listening again...

Renovations

Doing some blog renovation. My header is currently HUGE but hopefully I'll be back to fix that later on. Its on its way to finally looking how I want it, just bear with me until then! :D

Christmas Coziness

Right now I am in brand spanking new yoga pants, James Blunt is quietly playing in the background, and the only light in the room is coming from our newly lit Christmas tree. Ahhmazing.

While we're on the track of amazing, Nicole and I managed to get up bright and early (and by bright and early I mean an hour and 30 minutes after we planned on leaving in sweats and no makeup, because thats just how we roll) and get to the mall, beating most of the crowds and got a pretty good amount of Christmas shopping done. Hallelujah! I thought it was going to be hell going out today, but it really wasn't. We did pretty damn good if I do say so myself. Despite the fact that I forgot Abby's stroller and I had to push her around in a little dinky rental cart, her fists were full of popeyes chicken and she was just as happy as could be. We had a good and accomplishing morning :)

Its great being able to take your kids Christmas shopping with you when their still little enough. See that toy she's so intrigued by? Its a bath turtle toy thing, she loved it. So, mama made sure to tell Santa that Abby really enjoyed playing with it at Toys R us today :p

Whats not so great? An old lady admiring Abby, and Abby reaching out and grabbing her boob and saying "What's that?". Talk about humiliating. I smiled politely, apologized quickly, and wanted to run away forever! Too bad I was stuck in an hour long line with her behind me. She laughed it off, but still..really Abby? Thanks.

We headed home late afternoon and let Abby take a little nap. I had some left over chinese food and impatiently waited for her nap to be over. It was Christmas tree pickin' time!

It was raining and freezing, but we couldn't wait any longer. I have been SO excited about this for SO long!

Our first family Christmas tree! An 8 foot taller from the little Christmas tree lot outside the liquor store right down the street from our apartment. It didn't take us long to choose, we loved this one right from the start. Its staring right back at me right now, it loves us too. We picked the perfect tree!

Getting the sucker up three flights of steps and through our tiny front door wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but..worth it. So, so, SO worth it.

We have some more trimming to do tomorrow. We need to get some more lights & finally hang the decorations. But for now?

Still feels pretty dang cozy to me!

Our apartment smells like pine and fresh baked cookies. I'm loving it.

I got my first tasty batch taken care of this evening, my first that didn't end up in the trash can! Chocolate chip & Oatmeal cranberry and white chocolate. Chocolate chip was an already made dough, and oatmeal was from scratch. Both turned out yummy!

Well, my eye balls are burning and a blanket on the couch is screaming my name.

Happy baking-Christmas tree decorating-shopping-whatever it is that makes you feel cozy Saturday :)

Cheers to the weekend

I am currently... completely relaxed.

Just spent the past hour or two sipping sangria out of cute holiday glasses with Jackie. Jake joined us, we ordered chinese food and watched a mixture of Roseanne, Booty Call, and Fred Claus. Abby was sound asleep in the next room.

Completely and totally relaxing. Just what I needed to wind down with after two very long days at work.

Speaking of being at work, I was more bummed than usual about being there today. Mother nature decided to lay her first little dusting of snow on us this afternoon.

Not only do I love the snow, but I was so excited that to introduce it to Abby this year. Of course she got to witness our giant blizzard of last winter..but, all things considered - she was only 4 months old. She didn't get it. Now? She would be intrigued. We could play in it. Oh well, her great grandma got to show her the flurries this time. Mama will be there for the snow fall round two of 2010..or 2011, depending on when it decides to arrive next. Guess we better go get my little some snow boots soon!

In other random news, I have spent the last 10 hours bidding on a camera I want on ebay. I have been winning majority of the day - just to find out that during the last hour some jerk is going to come and outbid me for every dollar that I increase my bid too. Didn't plan on going higher than $300, and we're currently battling it out at $295 :(

Eyes are throbbing, muscles are sore, and I have a lovely boyfriend and baby girl sleeping down the hall..I am just about to ready to join them.

Nicole and I are headed out early with the babies in the morning to get some Christmas shopping done. Wish us luck!

Happy Friday.

Hump Day

Today, I am surprised that I have one single strand of hair still attached to my head.

Yes, it was one of those days.

I found out last night that my nursing license had expired without me knowing it. Which means, in order for me to work my scheduled shift on Wednesday, I had to go up to the board of nursing today and renew my license. No biggie, right?

Wrong! First of all, the Maryland board of nursing is the DMV of the nursing world. Their impossible to get in touch with, they will leave you on hold for hours, they do not want to help you, they steal money from you every two years for pointless causes, pretty much..the less I have to deal with them, the better.

Obviously I wasn't thrilled about my little trip I had to take, but didn't think it would be too horrible since I just needed to sign and paper and leave..so I thought.

Things went smoothly on the way there, I didn't get lost, and made it there in about 30 minutes, which is good time. I should of known it would be impossible for things to stay on a smooth track. Stress loves me. Adores me, actually. It follows me every where I go.

The front desk lady informs me when I'm called up (she made me pull a number, and sit down - when I was the only person in the room) through her little glass window - "This is all I can give you today" stamps a paper and slides it to me. "Your license is expired. I need proof that your still currently working as a health care provider. Have a nice day" I glance over the paper and read some mumbo jumbo about a list of things I need to get from my supervisor. Is there any way I can get my boss to fax these things over? I have to work tomorrow, this needs to be done today, I ask. "Nope. Have a nice day" FUCK YOU LADY!!! Just kidding, I didn't say that. But I wanted to.

I bundle Abby back up and struggle back to my car with her half way hanging off my hip and trying to tame my stack of papers flapping in the wind and get back on the road - hoping I could make it to my job and back by the time the board closed.

I was in an unfamiliar area, so I GPS'd how to get to work. When I put in my location as "Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center" a little message popped up that said "This route contains toll rates. Avoid toll lanes?" I meant to click no, but I must have hit yes by accident.

I spent the next hour fearing for my life. Like, legit..fearing for my life!! My GPS took me through the most ghetto parts of Baltimore EVER. I thought I had seen the ghetto before. Hell NO I hadn't. It was SO scary. Traffic was CRAZY and I had no idea where I was. People were staring in my car from all directions and I know they had to be thinking this white girl is lost!

After passing streets and streets of the block cameras (thats always how I know when I'm in a bad area in Baltimore - they have the blue flashing cop cameras on every block!) I finally started to recognize my surroundings. Literally on the verge of tears, I finally made it onto campus.

I hustle and bustle into my managers office, all out of breath and stressed looking. Brittany! Whats wrong?! You look exhausted! Is this your daughter? OMG! Hi sweetie! Do you want to stay here with us!?...one of my supervisors started saying to Abby and I. Christmas music was playing, food and decorations were every where..oh yeah, today is the Christmas party. so much for that. I explained to her my situation and she agreed with me that the board of nursing is full of assholes but gave me what I needed and I headed back out the door.

Poor Abby was probably so bored and so sick of being in the car all day..but she did so good. God love her.

By the time I got back to my car, got Abby strapped in, it was 4:15. I had 45 minutes to make it back to the board before they closed. I took a deep breath, a huge and giant gulp of my coffee..and punched "The Maryland Board of Nursing" back into my GPS. Here we go again.

I wanted to cry when it started taking me back through the ghetto. I knew there was a quicker and safer way to get there - I just didn't know how, and neither did my tom,tom apparently. After sitting through two 10 minute red lights, and getting the shakes all over again..I turned around. This isn't worth it. Literally, driving through the city with one of the highest murder rates in the US, at dusk, by myself, with a baby, no idea where I'm going, and in the worst parts of the city? No thank you. Its really, really not worth it.

Your pretty Baltimore. But you're scary.

But..in my house, whats a bad day without a little this?

Nothing like belly laughs in the morning from a baby girl you simply adore.

Nothing quite like a silly girl trying to play hide & go seek behind her crib with her Mama.

Absolutely nothing like a morning steamy bath with my little girl.

Nothing in the whole entire world like a mini me ;)

My point? Even the worst and most stressful days are the best days with her ♥

We stopped by my Aunt's to visit on the way home from our fiasco just because it was on the way. She was coaching her boys through homework, I cleaned up dog pee, dinner was burning in the oven..but, that is life :p

Tomorrow morning I am waking up two hours before scheduled to drop Abby off with my Grandma, drive back to the board of nursing, and then drive to work. All before 9 in the morning.

And its all a-okay. Theres always a smile and bright colors underlying a frown, anyways ;)

Happy Hump day!