Trust me when I say that I have tons of pictures & memories to share with you..as Jake, Abby, and I had a very seasonal and festive weekend. Lots of stuff to come.
But, right now..theres something else on my mind that I just can't seem to shake.
Jake and I. I honestly adore him. He is my best friend and he knows me better than anyone. We have had a beautiful, but rough year together. I mean what do you expect? Major changes and road blocks were thrown our way. A surprise baby, moving out on our own, new bills..in just one short year, life as we know was rocked to the core.
For some reason, the past few days..my mind is wandering back to the old days. Before I was pregnant. Back when most days I woke up in my own bed, would set my alarm for 5am, get up..and drive to his house to cuddle in bed with him before he had to go to work, and I'd sleep there until I had to get up for college. Back when we'd just hang out at his house..we'd take naps, rent movies, did what ever the hell we felt like. Back when I'd always expect (and receive) a bedtime call around 10pm..and it was always so special to hear his voice. Back when we used to get into spats and I'd cry to my mom for hours until he would finally show up at the door asking to talk. Far, far back when..still in high school, when I had a curfew and we'd try to think of every way possible to stretch that 12pm as far as possible, just to be together a little longer. Back when we went on dinner dates 2-3 times a week, just for fun..and all the fun I had getting dressed up for him. Back when we would just drive..just the two of us, just because we had nothing else to do..and we would laugh, and talk, and sing until we were so lost we had to figure out where the hell we were & how to get back home.
I feel like I don't even know who those people are anymore.
Every morning, I do wake up in my bed..but he's always there, and he's always the one getting up & leaving at the crack of dawn to go to work..and I feel like if an alarm went off at 5am telling me to cuddle with him I'd throw it against the wall. We still hang out I guess you could say..but our savored naps together are history & we can usually never keep our eyes open to finish a movie. Theres no more bedtime phone calls...theres a quick kiss & a flick of the lights. Our spats now make our arguments back then seems so silly..we now argue over parenting issues, money, and who's taking the trash out..compared to oh, why didn't you call me when you said you would? Oh, and they last days..and he never shows up at the door step asking to talk..we finally just give in & scoot a little closer to each other on the couch & laugh it off. Theres definitely no more curfews & dinner dates are a thing of the past.
Looking back on the past year...it is insane how much has changed between us. Not in a bad way by any means..life is just so different. & While Abby is getting older and I feel like I can actually breathe a few minutes out of the day, it gives me enough time to sit back and ponder.
I think this is normal. I think a lot of couples probably go through this, especially when they wern't trying or prepared for a child. But, question is: how do you make both ends meet?
How can we be responsible & good parents, but still be the happy-go-lucky, young, in love couple that we once were? I know its possible..I see families do it every day. Its just getting back to that point.
The point where I can run up and jump on his back & he'd give me a piggy back ride where ever we were headed (granted that I've had a child and gained some weight since then, it may no longer be possible! ha ha) & the point where he'd tell me on a regular basis how hard he'd work to make sure that we'd always be together, and I'd miss him soo much at night that I would spray my pillows with his cologne...
Where the heck did those two sappy love birds go!?
Its like once you have a child, live together, and are basically married. He's always there, I'm always there. It's like we know we're both always going to be there..so we've lost the effort to try.
I could go on & on with this, and I probably will continue it because it just doesn't feel "complete" yet. But right now, I'm done for a bit. My mind doesn't feel like thinking and this is more complicated to word than I had imagined. *Sigh*
You definitely are not the only one and it's very funny that you wrote this post when you did bc just last night I was sitting up until 2am wondering the very same thing, tears in my eyes and all. I wrote a 4 page letter to my other half but ended up throwing it away bc at 2am my thoughts made no sense lol but at the same time made perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteHow can you love your other half so much but at the same time where did that I'm so "in love" with you feeling go..UGH.
Ahhh Brittany. I only JUST saw this post & it's odd. I sat up last night bawling & wondering how things went so sour between BD & I. We were so freakin' innocent & naive and I SO miss it :/! And it's sad & weird how having a baby together, which is a great thing, can make being in love so hard. You & Jake amaze me! It's SO hard to be young & in love & go into adulthood without things falling apart but WAY harder when you throw a little person into the mix! Though I hate admitting it, BD & I both just got tired of 'trying' but I think all along we were trying for the wrong thing. And maybbbeee if we would have tried finding the 'spark' again instead of trying to...iron out the wrinkles so to speak things would have worked out?! I think you are doing the right thing & I think the fact that you are constantly relighting the spark (even if it goes out shortly after) is the key & is what will ultimately keep you two together!
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