Tuesday, August 17, 2010

two topics

On School: I'm sick of being broke. By broke I mean, I have enough money to pay all my bills, put gas in my tank, get Abby her necessities and a few groceries..but then I'm basically out of money. I make enough money, per say..as in I can support myself and Abby. But I'm SO sick of having no spending money for the two of us. So, with this said..I've decided to admit that I'm a slacker. I have no motivation to get through school and I find excuses to put it off every semester. Friday, when I get paid..I'm going to up to the college, buying books..and starting school again. When do I start, yu ask? Classes start next week. My life will be taking a dramatic turn for the worse and the better. Worse: juggling work, school, and Abby is going to be a handful, but if I get it all out of the way it will be done & over in three years (that seems sooo long, this is where my no motivation sets in) Better: In just three (long!) but short years, I will only be 22, Abby will only be 3..and I will be a Registered Nurse with a comfortable income..and from then on out, I can spoil her...which is what this all this is really about, btw ;) *Sigh* Wish me luck. Studying has never been my favorite thing in the world.

On Boyfriend/Girlfriend get-a-ways: Since Abby has been born, Jake and I have been out with friends a few times over night. It's always hard to leave her, but I always leave her with my mom..which is the closest person in the world to me & Abby just adores her. Theres never been a morning after a mama/dada night that I'm not up at 8am the next morning to go pick up my baby girl. It's more exciting than even getting to go out in the first place!

Well, Jake and I decided a few months back that this summer we should have a weekend get-a-way just the two of us. Abby will be 1 (gasp) next month and we wanted to celebrate a whole year together as parents & spend some time remembering that we're still a couple, and not just mama and dada. As that weekend approaches us, coming up quickly this Friday..I'm feeling uneasy about it. I really can't imagine being away from her a whole weekend! I'm so torn about it. One pat of me feels this: this year has been wonderful. i've became a mama and I'm so proud of the parents that Jake and I are together. Abby has brought more joy to my life than imaginable..but I really think some alone time would do me and Jake some good. We've focused so much on Abby this year that we don't always focus on each other, and we forgot that we're still young and in love. So, this weekend will be really good for us. You need time away sometimes, it makes you a better mama. Abby will be with *your* mama, who is so wonderful and will love her and play with her every second, who keeps reassuring you to "go!" that Abby will have tons of fun & won't even know that your gone. "i'll play with her lots & won't let her cry at all & we'll go to parks & we'll take walks & we'll visit family, I promise I'll keep her busy and happy" is what she tells you. "Just go, you'll be glad you went. She'll still be here when you get back"

..but then there's another part of me that kinda feels like this: she's your little baby. but she's not going to be for much longer. you should be here with her every second, or at least bring her on your vacation with you. you could have one more faimly vacation before the summer is over. enjoy her baby-ness. theres really no celebrating unless you have her there anyways. I know my mom will play with her every second, but what if she still misses me? and wonders where I am..two nights in a row? What if she's sad?

Ugh :(

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