before i get started let me just say that this blog has completely & totally become my vent and i don't know how i ever functioned without one. i look forward to blogging, it lets me release emotions and feelings that i sometimes just didn't talk about.
and speaking of emotions..mine are off the chain tonight. (at least i can admit it, right?) after two nights of abby being up at all hours of the night, restless and fussy..working the next morning after both of those all-nighters and staying an extra two hours tonight (making it a 14 hour shift, god where was my mind when i agreed) and on top of being up and on the move since 3:30 this morning...i'm pretty sure it's safe to say i'm physically and emotionally drained..100%. work was beyond words crazy today..and my back is throbbing and my feet are achy and pounding..and i hardly even go to take a lunch break! yes, i'm whining. and i cried at work after i agreed to staying late, realizing that i'd miss bedtime with abby..and that i wasn't as loving and wonderful as i could of been last night when she wouldn't sleep..and i really thought she was going to think i left for good. i never miss bedtime. i cried again on the way home from work because jake didn't answer his phone. yes, you read that right. i was scared to walk the 5 blocks to my car alone (it's not usually dark when i leave, but since i stayed late it was) i was totally freaked out & it was right after i texted him asking him to please pick up because i was afraid to walk to my car alone at night. and he said okay. did he answer the 30 times i called? nope. i broke down into pathetic sobs when he finally answered and blew the whole thing off..how can you not even care how scared i was! all i wanted you to do was answer your phone, but you weren't even there for me! *waaaaaaaaaaah* ...maybe i overreacted. and i'm still sitting in the bedroom pouting while he's in the living room watching tv by himself...me slowly starting to realize how silly i'm being. i thought once i got home that i could go scoop abby up for some after bedtime snuggles to cheer me up..but she screamed and pushed me away until i let her lay back down. *sigh*
honestly though? right now i feel like whining. i feel like being pouty and sitting in the dark bedroom alone, with my cup of sunny d and being a....brat, maybe you could say? and i secretly wish jake would give into my bratiness & just pamper on me hand and foot...but we all know that's not going to happen.
do you see what sleep deprivation does to me? over the past two days i've probably slept 8-10 hours and i feel like i've lost my ever loving mind. i was annoyed with every person who looked at me wrong, loosing my pen 50 times today almost sent me into a hyperventilating rush of tears and i only have two short days off until i'm back busting my sleepy butt again on monday.
oh, and why the hell am i still awake blogging about all this mess instead of sleeping, which is what i very, very obviously need?!
because i have lost my ever.loving.mind