I wasn't going to post today. It wasn't what you'd call a great day, per say. & I feel like since this blog is public, and although I haven't mentioned it to much people, there could be some one out there lurking - I didn't feel like I needed to add negativity to my page. It's my happy place.
Writing is my thing. Even when I go off on spats of words that don't make sense and I get going and my thoughts don't flow together as nicely as I'd like them to - it's still my thing. Ever since I was a little girl, I wrote when I was sad. I wrote when I was mad. I wrote when I was happy. Every emotion I ever felt - I needed to get them out on paper before I felt better. I used to argue with my mom a lot growing up, and after a fight with her..even after we'd apologized and the spat was over, the stress and weight on my chest of the fight didn't go away until I wrote it out.
So you know what? This blog is my life. A place I plan to share with the world & all of my family one day. & My life is real. It's real life and real life has it's bad days. Today was one of those days for me.
But you know what else? No matter how hard of a day your having..I bet there's some good in it too, if you really look for it.
Tomorrow is the 4th of July, one of my all time favorite holidays. I had big plans for this weekend. Today we were going to go uptown and see a 4th of July parade with my aunt and cousins, then we'd come home & spend time with the family for the rest of the evening and light sparklers, to get the excitement up for tomorrow.
This thing is..remember? Abby and I are sick. I had to go to the doctors this morning, but instead my wonderful boyfriend took his time crabbing this morning & I missed the appointment. But that's okay. It's okay because I got to give Abby that first morning snuggle, one I haven't been able to give her in 2 days because I've been working. I got to give her breakfast and hear her precious little "mmmmm" after every bite. I got to give her, her morning bath and we got to splash and play in the bubbles together. I got to watch her bright little blue eyes lite up when I pulled the curtains and let the beaming morning sunshine in the living room. So thank you Jake, for making me miss my doctors appointment.
& Even though a day that was supposed to be spent full of patriotic cheer & red white and blue was spent bickering at a mall full of rude and obnoxious shoppers who just insisted on staring at my boyfriend and I as we rolled our eyes at each other & faked the smiles for Abby...I scored an adorable red,white, and blue 4th of July dress for Abby for $8. We came across a fresh fudge stand and put our forever lasting argument aside for 5 minutes while we indulged in some oh-my-god this is so amazing mint chocolate chip fudge and laughed at each other when we questioned walking back to get more. & Even though I smacked my head so hard my car when I was climbing in for the ride home that I have a blue knot, the 3o seconds of hard, belly laughing from Jake was enough to lighten the mood for a little bit.
Even though Jake was so fed up with me that he WALKED home from the park (that is a good 15 minute drive from our house - let me add), mommy and Abby got to spend some mama and baby time strolling around the lake. It was so relaxing that my little chunk fell right asleep and mama got some time to sit on the bench, in the sun, watch little kiddies feed some ducks, and just ponder about life.
Even though after I got home and got Abby in bed, I got in my own bed and attempted to read a book which was unsuccessful do to the hot, heavy, streams of tears falling from my eyes - I got the courage to get up and post this blog - which has already made me feel better.
I feel slightly better because writing this, there was no reason for Jake and I to be arguing so badly today. It was just 'one of those days' where we were driving each other crazy for no reason, but I'm glad that no voices were raised and thank goodness for Abby not being able to understand what we're talking about yet - she had no clue anything was even wrong. I held back my tears for after she was in bed (besides the few that made their appearance driving home from the park, without Jake. But hey - she was in the backseat) and for that I am proud. When she's old enough I'll explain to her that it's good and healthy to cry sometimes, and she shouldn't be ashamed to do so. But right now? She's still just my widdle baby. She doesn't understand & surely doesn't need to see her mama sheddin' some water works.
Writing this, honestly..makes me want to go crawl in bed with Jake and tell him I love him. He is amazing. And although my driving makes him want to rip his hair out & his caught-up-in-his-own-world mood he gets lost in every once in a while makes me want to punch him right in the nose - I love him dearly. & I wish we didn't spend days arguing over such silly things.
So, no. Today did not go as planned. I didn't even go great. But you know what? I've found my happiness in it, so I'm at peace. Know what else? Tomorrow is a new day. & it is going to be spectacular.